Just Let Them Be (disorder)

The older I get, the more I learn. That's how it should be, right? A lot of times things don't work out the way they should. But what can You do? You just gotta let it be. I don't know how else to handle things. Sometimes I feel I'm better off alone. You just have a higher level of autonomy when you live only for you. Otherwise, people tend to get in your head and influence you in ways that may not be for the best. There's no worries about other peoples feelings. None of that. Its just you, your goals, your dreams, and you can say "to hell" with everything else. I'm learning to just let them all be, man. Just let them be. I cant change nobody. I have no desire to. All I wanna do is live my life the best that I can live it. Ain't apart of no group. I ain't apart of no club. Its just me. I'm not bound by anyones regulations. I just do my own shit. You don't like it, leave me the fuck alone! Got it! Fuck it, I just keep on moving. I've been allowing nonsense to hold me down for far too long. I wanna let go. Just let go. On the count of three, let go. One...two...three. Its gone! I heard Al Pacino say in the movie "The Devils Advocate" that guilt is like a bag of bricks. He asks Kevin Lomax "who you carrying those bricks for...?" I felt like he was talking to me, so I just dropped my bag of bricks. I don't really need shit. I'm my own man. What do I need, outside of the obvious? I'm a renegade. I really don't worry about a thing, because I don't care about that much. Few things in life truly matter. Family, friends, the usual. But I'm so unusual, in so many different ways. I gotta be on my own, but I think I need someone other than myself, but who? Man , you can call me the cat, but I'm no pussy. I'm a man that strikes at opportunity. I'm on the night train, riding through the night with determination. I'm not here for bullshit. I don't have time for that. Just gimme whats mine, and I'm satisfied. You cant even talk to me about certain things, cause right now, I'm just not hearing it. I really cant. Hell, I might pretend, but deep down I don't care. Just can't afford to. When its all said and done, I know where I'll be. Do you? Man, I just don't care. Its bliss, truly bliss. I thought I could live in your world, but I was so wrong. I live against the grain; its starting to get comfortable. My bed is filled with stones and constantina wire, and I sleep soundly. I live in an alternate universe. Complete disorder. As of right now, i'm saying fuck it, and i'm gonna let them be, cause I know it really dosen't matter.

The Holidays

People tend to get sentimental during the Holiday season. My phone lights up with new text messages with things like "Its a blessing to know you" or "My life would not be as great without you." Its not a negative thing to read these messages, but I'm not heavy on the holidays; they are more for children than anyone else.
I always ask myself, "why wait until a holiday or special occasion to tell someone how special they are?" It would be much more meaningful if it was done spontaneously. Saying such kind and sentimental things are fine, but to me they are so trite. Even though most people are just being kind when they say such things, for me these comments have a tint of insincerity attached to them. I don't believe that most people intend to be that way. They are simply caught up in the holiday spirit. Its the same as a customer service person saying "have a nice day!" after you checkout. You know its just routine.
But I don't hate the holidays. I guess I'm really just ambivalent anout them. On the positive side, you get to see old friends and family that you haven't seen in years. On the annoying side, you receive all those annoying, sentimental text messages. But its better than not receiving any at all.

J.G.